We teach people how to treat us.April 23 2007
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When the Dr. Phil show first came to TV where I live, it was preceded by a show called "How to train your dog." Although both shows provided helpful information, I found that "How to train your dog." was a better and more direct guide to dealing with people.
The #1 rule when training your dog, or dealing with people, is; "Do NOT reward bad behaviour."
Remember that everything that anyone does, is done for a reason.
When you find that people in your life are abusive or behave badly, you should be asking yourself: "What reward are they looking for from this behaviour?"; and once you determine the reward they seek ... make absolutely certain that you do not provide it for them in a way that can be interpreted as a reward for bad behaviour.
People can be bullies in order to get their way, or they can act out in order to get negative attention. Whatever it is they are after, you need to make sure that you don't allow them to form a mental connection between their bad behaviour and getting the reward they seek.
This is not to say that people should be denied what they want, just because they have acted badly. If your child needs attention, show them how they can get it from you through good behaviour. Tell your boss or your spouse how they can get what they need from you by speaking kindly and with respect.
Often times we fail to respond to kind communications and or fail to praise good behaviour. In this way we are responsible for blocking off the good paths and forcing our family and associates to take the bad ones. In this way we can become the creators of the abusive situations that we claim to dislike.
Dr. Phil says ... "People do what works!" ... Make sure that good behaviour and kind communications work for the people around you, and that bad behaviour and abusive behaviour do not work! You will soon discover yourself living in a much more pleasant and supportive environment.
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