How giving to others, gives 'us' control.May 1 2007
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Some days it seems like bullies always win. Whomever can most skillfully put you down, or pull one over on you, or otherwise pull as fast one, will get their way at your expense.
If you read the piece called We teach people how to treat us. you will see that this strategy doesn't have to work.
But how can we get what we want from people without becoming a bully ourselves?
One way is to make sure that you invest in your relationships and into the people whom you rely on to make your life work. Simple things like doing favours, and being cheerful and being skillful and helpful will cause people to value you and want to be there for you when you need them.
... well maybe not ... the truth is that most people have a strange way of taking everything we do for them for granted, and then eventually valuing it, and us, at zero ... however what happens is that as people learn to rely on us and our good will, they will find that they will miss our support and our services once we take them away.
The power to give, also gives us the power to take away ... which in itself is a powerful lever which can help us get people to cooperate with in helping us achieve our goals for them and for ourselves.
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